On 22nd November 2024, my life changed forever on an operating table. Two years later, I am celebrating my survival. Yet, staying alive turned out to be just the first chapter of my medical recovery.
In the past two years, I realised something important about shock. When your body processes trauma, words and emotions often disappear.
Then, you decide to seek professional help. You sit down with a stranger who helps you break down every single moment. You talk through each memory, from the beginning up to today.
During this process, you feel distant. Words cannot fully describe the deep shock you feel inside. Yet, you finally let go of being “the strongest girl.” You choose to just be yourself instead. You talk about the heavy weight you carried for so long. You take each day as it comes and learn to rebuild your life.
The Impact on My Body and Mind
Over these last two years, I watched my body endure difficult hours on the operating table. I saw my brain functions shift. My nervous system struggled to function, leaving me completely disconnected. It felt as if someone took my soul without my permission.
Flashbacks still come back to me. I remember walking toward the operating table. I recall brief moments of struggling to wake up. I remember relearning how to walk and talk during a long, slow recovery.
I am still trying to understand why my life took this turn. Even now, I do not have all the answers.
How Trauma Affects the Brain
Writing this brings me joy because I can share my story on this platform. I want to help other women realise they are not alone.
My therapist simplified trauma in a way that made complete sense to me. She explained that everyone experiences trauma. Our brains store these experiences to warn us when similar dangers appear.
However, when you face a massive medical unknown, your brain struggles to process it. It views the experience as a constant threat. It cannot distinguish between past and present. As a result, it traps you in a endless cycle of asking why, how, and when.
Below, I want to share three key insights from my therapy journey so far. I hope they bring light to your path if you are navigating a similar recovery.
(Please note: this post shares my personal lived experience and is not formal medical advice).
Grounded
Enlightenment 1: Medical Trauma Stays in the Body
I spent a long time trying struggling my way through my experience. However, therapy taught me that physical trauma stays inside the body. My body held onto every memory: the cold operating room, the loss of control, and the deep exhaustion.
My brain kept my nervous system on high alert to protect me. Realising that my body reacted out of survival and not weakness, this changed everything for me.
It also taught me to take life one day at a time. Someone once asked me for the best advice I ever received. It went like this: “Whatever life throws at you, sit with your emotions, sit with your fears, and walk through the unknown.”
Facing pain is never easy. It takes time and effort to sit in silence, acknowledge your feelings, and honor your journey. For the first time, I allowed myself to cry, accept my reality, and grieve the daily pain I felt. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.
Enlightenment 2: You Can Feel Grateful and Still Grieve
For a long time, I felt guilty whenever I felt overwhelmed. I kept telling myself I should “just be grateful I survived.”
Therapy helped me see that gratitude and grief can exist together in the same heart. You can feel deeply thankful to be alive today. At the same time, you can mourn your lost time, your pain, and the person you were before surgery.
Gratitude allowed me to breathe again. Grieving allowed my past self to transform into a stronger version of who I am today.
Enlightenment 3: Moving from Survival to Real Living
Surviving an operation, waking up, and relearning to walk requires immense fight. However, healing mentally requires a completely different kind of energy.
Survival required high alert and holding on tight. Living requires laying down that heavy armor, practicing vulnerability, and letting myself feel soft again. Unpacking that armor takes time, and that is completely okay.
We all heal differently. Over the last two years, I learned to open up to myself. This journey showed me who I should welcome into my life and who I should keep away. Ultimately, it helped me become a stronger, healthier person and I am still becoming her.
Coming Home To You
What’s Coming Next: 22nd November
Writing this post brings me peace, but words alone cannot capture this entire two-year journey.
As we approach my two-year anniversary on 22nd November, I am working on Part 4 of my Anniversary Series on YouTube. In that upcoming video, I will dive deeper into this chapter of my recovery. I will share what therapy unlocked and what reaching this milestone truly feels like. I will also give a full overview of my recovery stage.
If you are navigating your own health recovery or sitting in the unknown: you are not alone, and you do not have to carry it by yourself.
Be sure to subscribe to Inspired By Cee on YouTube so you get notified when Part 4 drops on 22nd November. You can also watch Parts 1, 2, and 3 on my channel right now!
